Is Non-Violent Communication coercive and formalised unassertiveness?
ByIt seems to me that NVC is partly about using techniques which are unassertive and being indirect. It also seems to involve failing to listen to people because of excluding the semantic content of their utterances. Whereas it´s important to respect the non-verbal and emotive content of communication, surely this shouldn´t be to the exclusion of cognitive content? Does it not also create a division between the rational and the emotional which doesn´t really exist, which is tantamount to surreptitiously and perhaps even subconsciously introducing one´s own agenda?
Sorry, i could go on and on. Thoughts please.
very interesting .. thanks for sharing this concept with me. i had to look up my ever helpful friend Wikipedia and learnt:
[excerpt]
"The goal of NVC is to get one’s own needs met while also meeting others’ needs. A key principle of nonviolent communication that supports this is the capacity to express oneself without use of good/bad, right/wrong judgment, hence the emphasis on expressing feelings and needs, instead of criticisms or judgments".
aha! i wonder did i somehow subconsciously tap into this process, when i recently wrote a lengthy compensation claim. i actually did consciously choose to write my claim in this way because i felt that it would give the best outcome for me.
i knew that my respondent would most likely be responding to my claim in the calmest and rational terms. in a legal process this is the way you have to express yourself if you want to be taken seriously.
but in everyday matters, like between lovers and friends – now that’s another matter altogether isn’t it? to some extent it is bullshit and not really honest expression. are we playing verbal mind games here or are we expressing ourselves honestly?
ofcourse there is always value in keeping our emotions under control and being non-judgemental as none of us is perfect. it is always helpful to stay rational and consider the other person’s opinion and feelings in a non-judgemental way.
if anyone thinks they are the perfect one and always right – well as an example – i can mention Hitler.
7 Comments
June 27th, 2010 at 9:51 pm
Cognitive or emotive are communication methods. What is important is truth that’s attempted to be communicated, not methodology. Is it effective? Is it really tainted with personal agenda or savored with truth?
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June 27th, 2010 at 10:30 pm
sometimes the cognitive content of a person’s statements don’t match the emotive content–in this case emotive content might be all that’s relevant and the only used communication "channel" so cognitive content should be ignored.
Politicians frequently distract with empty policy ideas while actually trying to communicate through intonation and body language (on a more emotional level.)
Should they? no. emotion and cognition should and do correspond in healthy, honest people.
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June 27th, 2010 at 11:15 pm
You speak of people’s motivations subconciously manifesting themselves.
You learn well, oh kangaroo mouse of the desert.
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June 27th, 2010 at 11:23 pm
George Orwell dubbed it double speak, today it is called politically correct, these are nothing but rules generated to create a ready made dis-balance in arguments so that people can not express themselves, it is a type of shackle for the mind, I say read, learn and practice every possible type of thinking and speaking, behave when it suits you, but never let the ideas of others steal your ability to express your state of mind relating the justice or lack of justice in any situation in life.
Smart people can effectively express themselves politely, but when somebody lords we don’t talk that way over me I tell them F*ck you!
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MM
June 27th, 2010 at 11:50 pm
Ban red pens in school because they are too aggressive.
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June 28th, 2010 at 12:01 am
very interesting .. thanks for sharing this concept with me. i had to look up my ever helpful friend Wikipedia and learnt:
[excerpt]
"The goal of NVC is to get one’s own needs met while also meeting others’ needs. A key principle of nonviolent communication that supports this is the capacity to express oneself without use of good/bad, right/wrong judgment, hence the emphasis on expressing feelings and needs, instead of criticisms or judgments".
aha! i wonder did i somehow subconsciously tap into this process, when i recently wrote a lengthy compensation claim. i actually did consciously choose to write my claim in this way because i felt that it would give the best outcome for me.
i knew that my respondent would most likely be responding to my claim in the calmest and rational terms. in a legal process this is the way you have to express yourself if you want to be taken seriously.
but in everyday matters, like between lovers and friends – now that’s another matter altogether isn’t it? to some extent it is bullshit and not really honest expression. are we playing verbal mind games here or are we expressing ourselves honestly?
ofcourse there is always value in keeping our emotions under control and being non-judgemental as none of us is perfect. it is always helpful to stay rational and consider the other person’s opinion and feelings in a non-judgemental way.
if anyone thinks they are the perfect one and always right – well as an example – i can mention Hitler.
References :
June 28th, 2010 at 12:44 am
Too many big words >.<!!! lol,i would ban weird people from school =P
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